Celebrate Pride Day Today, Then Be an Ally 24/7/365
Allyship is more than a day, a month or a year. Prejudice is always there. Allyship must be as well.
![Ally & Proud Ally & Proud](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt10e444bce2d36aa8/blte00db1d7cbf1f012/65244e1dd2ee24d9c7541a70/Ally-Proud.jpg?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Ally and proud quote to support LGBTQ+ community. Equality and tolerance concept. T-shirt design.Shutterstock
As mentioned earlier, it’s your responsibility to educate yourself about all facets of LGBQT+. Out@UCL recommends that you read up on history. Become familiar with terminology. Glossaries are available from the LGBRQIA Resource Center at UC Davis, The National LGBT Health Education Center, NYU’s LGBTQ Student Center, PFLAG and GLAAD. The GLAAD glossary includes guidelines on what terms you should avoid and what terms you can use instead.
Ask questions respectfully. And most importantly, be willing to listen and be open to what your LGBQT+ friends have to say. Really hear them when they talk about their experiences. It’s the only way you’ll ever come to understand what life is like for them, the social issues with which they must contend on a daily basis.
Biases can be subtle. They’ve been incorporated into your way of thinking since you were a child. These unconscious biases, as they are called, are social stereotypes about certain groups of people that you form without being aware of it. People have a tendency to categorize social worlds. If you’re not a member of a particular social or identity group, you assume stereotypes about them. Everyone does it.
One way to discover your unconscious bias is with the Implicit Association Test (IAT). The test is available for a variety of topics including transgender and sexuality.
Let’s start with asking questions. It’s already been stated that the questions should be respectful. That means don’t be intrusive. Don’t be inappropriate. And don’t pepper your LGBT friends with questions for which you can easily look up the answers yourself.
Then there are the pronouns. Always use the pronoun that someone prefers you to use (she/her, he/him, they/them). If you’re not sure, simply ask, “What are your pronouns?” advises a blog on Monster. If someone else uses the wrong pronoun, quietly and politely correct them. Don’t leave it up to the LGBT person in question to act as an enforcer.
Be aware at all times of safe space. Advocates for Youth describes safe space as “A place where the rules guard each person’s self-respect, dignity and feelings and strongly encourage everyone to respect others.” A very important element of that safe space is privacy. Just because an LGBT friend is open to you about their status, it doesn’t mean they’ve come out to the family or at work, states CNN. Ask before you share information about an individual. Let them tell their own story at their own pace.
The Human Rights Campaign reports that more than half of LGBTQ+ employees (53%) say they’ve heard lesbian and gay jokes at work. Meanwhile, an international survey by Out Now Global found that 57% of professionals who had overheard anti-LGBTQ+ conversations at work said they were too scared to say anything. Well, imagine how those LGBTQ employees feel.
Being an ally means working to end oppression. Defend your LGBTQ+ friends and co-workers. Let it be known that anti-LGBTQ+ jokes, slurs, conversations, etc. are not acceptable. Explain why such behavior is hurtful. If you hear misinformation, provide the correct facts.
Support LGBTQ+ businesses. Avoid businesses with discriminatory policies. The same goes for politicians who demonstrate or even advocate intolerance.
There will undoubtedly be times when you don’t understand or can’t relate to an issue or incident of importance to your LGBTQ+ friends. You may be in a safe space, but you’re also out of your comfort zone.
Examine your discomfort and address head-on what is bothering you. Afraid of saying the wrong thing? Everyone does it at some time. It’s all part of the learning process. Is your unconscious bias making itself known? Try to figure out which stereotype is giving you trouble. Then do a little research so you can replace that stereotype with facts. Ask for guidance.
“Queerness rejects heteronormativity, or ‘the idea that binary gender identity and heterosexual orientation’ are ‘the norm’ for humanity,” wrote Ana Valens in an article for Vox.
In other words, let people be themselves. Don’t make gender assumptions about your friends, co-workers and acquaintances, says Out@UCL. “LGBTQ+ people don’t look a particular way.” Accept people for what they are and they will open up to you in their own time.
Don’t assume that you know what your LGBTQ+ friends, co-workers and acquaintances need from you, advises Zippia. Ask them.
There are times when being an ally is as simple as just sitting and listening. Be sure that your LGBQT+ friends and co-workers know that you are willing and ready to offer a sympathetic ear and/or a shoulder to cry on. Be a one-person safe space for them. Sometimes that’s what they need from you the most.
There are times when being an ally is as simple as just sitting and listening. Be sure that your LGBQT+ friends and co-workers know that you are willing and ready to offer a sympathetic ear and/or a shoulder to cry on. Be a one-person safe space for them. Sometimes that’s what they need from you the most.
Today is Pride Day, a special observance during Pride Month to commemorate the day in 1970 that the first Pride march was held in New York City. The day is marked in myriad ways around the globe by LGBTQ+ and their allies.
Which brings us to … just what is an ally? The authors of a BCG article on fostering allyship in the workplace offer this definition: “An ally is someone who actively questions, rejects and combats exclusionary ideology and works against oppression. Allies support and advocate for populations and communities of which they are not a part, using their power and privilege to uplift others.”
Some have added (and I agree) that ally should be considered a verb, not a noun. It’s something you do, not something you are. Along those same lines, others say (and I agree here, too) that you can’t declare yourself to be an ally. You have to prove it with your actions. In the case of LGBTQ+, that means going beyond displaying the Pride flag, adding pronouns to your email signature and showing up to support Pride Day and/or Pride Month events. Allyship is more than a day, more than a month, more that a year. It’s a 24/7/365 commitment. Prejudice is always there. Allyship must be as well.
Get Started Now
As with anything else in DE&I, the most important thing to do is get started. The LGBRQIA Resource Center at UC Davis advises that you take responsibility for your own education on issues related to gender identity and sexual orientation. In addition, be prepared to make mistakes. It’s part of the learning process. Acknowledge them, apologize if necessary, learn from them and keep going.
While there is no one right way to be an ally, scroll through our slideshow above for more expert tips on how you, your co-workers and your organization can do your best at LGBQT+ allyship.
Di Ciruolo
Gary Cormier
For expert insights on becoming an ally, check out our on-demand virtual workshop, “Diversity, Equity & Inclusion Strategies for Business Success.” Di Ciruolo provides insights on “How to Build Inclusive Teams.” Gary Cormier discusses “A Call to Action: Being an Ally.”
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